Tuesday, September 7, 2010

My Dirty Little (Rabbits) Secret

Earlier this year I got a call regarding the band Dirty Little Rabbits.

They are a group formed by M. Shawn Crahan, the Clown of Slipknot fame. As I think Clown is one of the most interesting folks I've met in my many years of doing all this radio stuff, I look forward to anything he is involved with. The band is definitely not Slipknotish at all. Weird and eclectic with some great pop vibes to it. Interesting mix of many styles and genres with a singer who could blow the windows out of an office building at fifty paces.

Anyway, the record label putting out the band's latest contacted me as my name had been brought up as someone who may be good at writing a bio on the band. I was intrigued as most band bio's from record companies are some of the biggest, steaming piles of self-serving BS you've ever seen. Really. "Groundbreaking," "amazing," "high concept" and many other over the top terms are thrown around in these one sheets until your eyeballs are so deep in crap that they turn actually turn brown while you're reading. I didn't want to add another bit of old crap to an already towering pile of refuse. I wanted to come up with some new crap.

The first thing that came to mind was Alice in Wonderland as at that point in time the country was being besieged by ads for the Johnny Depp film based on Alice. Why not a band bio that played upon Alice's adventures with the title character name being changed to Stella as that's the name of the lead singer in Dirty Little Rabbits? Why not write it in rhyme and have the other band members somewhat characterized by other denizens of Alice's adventures? There would be certain elements and quotations about the music that needed to be included but I thought I could make it all fit in the scheme.

Well, from that idea came this...


Twas on a Spring day, not too long ago
Wherein we begin our odd tale
You’ll find it most strange and delightful to hear
It starts with a girl in a vale

The vale was green with a cool running river
All was bathed in light from the sun
And the girl sat there sitting and while sitting she saw
A creature dart by on the run

That’s when Stella spoke out (Yes, Stella’s her name)
Though to strangers she spoke not to by habit
But this was the first time that she’d ever seen
A well dressed but quite dirty rabbit

“Oh, Dirty Little Rabbit, please, where are you going?”
She asked him, his fur smudged with coal
“I will take you there, dear,” the filthy hare said,
“Down my long, dirty, dark rabbit hole!”

In the ground they did tumble to land with a thump
Where they looked up at creatures bizarre
Each carried some thing with which to make music
Like keyboards and drums and guitar

Jeff had a bass, a Dormouse was he
Then a Mock Turtle with guitar name of Ryan
A Mad Hatter named Michael was tinkling his keyboard
But the last one was strangest, no lyin’

He was a Cheshire Cat or was it Cheshire Clown?
Who answered when called the name Shawn
And he said then to Stella as he picked up a drum
“Stella, sing with us till the next dawn!”

And they played with fierce style and about it folks spoke
Like Ross Robinson who said, “Tons of heart!
You see in Clown’s brain. There’s lots of compassion
Like being in love with sick art”

And the people took notice of their great caterwauling
Mostly “Professional Hit” and a song called “Hello”
The masses were moved by the notes and the beats
And lyrics that made their souls glow

Then the Dirty Little Rabbits (as they now called themselves)
Took to travel the world and to toil
To help bring their message, their music and words
Next to Europe with Lacuna Coil

So from these humble beginnings in an Iowa vale
Dirty Little Rabbits go on with no stop
Baring their hearts to open your head
As they cross the world in bounds and in hops

Thus begins the heart warming and exciting tales of Dirty Little Rabbits!  Do you think you are brave enough to follow them on their musical adventures hippity hopping around the globe?  Well, if you are true of heart and clever of mind they will amaze and delight you!  Follow their travels at dirtylittlerabbits.com and watch for their new album ___ that emerges from the dirty little rabbit hole on ____.  It features the songs “Hello” and “Professional Hit.”

The rabbits are coming hooray, hooray!

To be honest, I don't think it went over too well with the record label. The word "perplexed" comes to mind. The word "horrified" might also be fair. They were very kindly towards it but asked if maybe I could write them something, anything, else. However, I was kind of slammed at that point so I didn't really have the time to devote to another concept or re-write. Their correspondence with me soon flowed to a trickle and then nothing at all. 

No hard feelings on my end. I suppose they thought it too strange. As for me, I found it it's high concept to be groundbreaking and amazing.


PS The blanks were written into the bio to leave room for the album title and release date which were unknown at the time of my writing the bio.

PPS The irony is not lost on me that my original paragraph in this BROG regarding DLR sounds suspiciously like a record company bio.

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